I will trust in You, You've never failed before

Well a little bit of a different day then what we were expecting, but at this point after so many cycles not terribly surprising.  I guess today we found out when the other shoe was going to drop – that thought has always lingering in the back of my mind, and I'm sure Jim's, you tend to wake up everyday hoping today isn’t the day ... but today, it was!

I was already anxious going into this appointment but when 1pm rolled around my anxiety stepped it up a notch, then when 2pm rolled around the 'sick to my stomach' nervous feeling hit.  At 2:15 I was texting the ladies saying I was slowly being killed by torment with the waiting they were putting me thru.  Then 2:30 came.  I knew it was not good.  When the phone rang 2 hours after the appointment, I already had a feeling of what to expect and I was well aqauented with that sound of voice on the other end.

Long story short lining was only at 5mm, which shocked Dr. S and Linda considerably, especially being that her E2 blood levels were looking fantastic.  We were given a few different options on how we could move forward. 

Option 1)  We could have her start Viagra today and take it 4x/day thru Sunday and then check on Sunday to see if it helped enough to continue forward with a transfer on the 16th.  I was told by my nurse that it would be a very slim chance to bring the lining from 5mm to 8mm in only 3 days time – but it was an option we could try. 

Option 2)  They could give her a progesterone injection canceling this cycle and start her back on meds in about 2-ish weeks with hopes for a miracle transfer in September.  Given the circumstances, this was the best possible chance at success so we opted for it.
So before leaving the clinic she was given a dose of PIO which ultimately stops the cycle and ques her body to start fresh.  I heard from her later in the evening and she told me that it felt like her butt had been to the dentist for a Novocain shot.  Could help but bust out laughing, I guess having a numb butt is much better than the alternative.

Still waiting to have a better, and more thorough talk with our nurse but I know Dr. S will be starting her on Viagra with this go around, which will be oh-so-fun for her, haha, and he may possibly up her estrogen doses a bit too.  We are hoping, and praying, praying hard, that this works next month and that her lining steps up its game and the appointment is nothing but an unexpected shock.  I have to say either way this ends up, she is a total rock star and I couldn’t be more thankful for everything she has endured for us thus far.   I hate to think all those shots were just a practice run but glad it wasnt a practice run on my hind end ... well then again I guess I did my own practice run back in November when I mix up my meds a week-in-a-half before transfer and had to cancel the cycle.

After years, and years, and years of news of this nature - a canceled cycle, a failed cycle, another miscarriage - it doesn't necessarily get easier, it just gets less shocking, less world rattling.  I'm not going to lie, tears have been flowing tonight and I am finding myself asking "Why us?" "Why this journey?"  There are crack-whores out there getting knocked up and leaving babies in trash cans, why do they get that.  But like she said and what I keep trying to remind myself "God's got this.  I dont know what He's doing with it, but He's got this!"  Hoping September brings us better news than today, but if not then we pick up the pieces and move on from there.   We really couldn't be more thankful to this family for all they have done for us already and feel so blessed to have this awesome family in our lives!!