I will trust in You, You've never failed before

Well a little bit of a different day then what we were expecting, but at this point after so many cycles not terribly surprising.  I guess today we found out when the other shoe was going to drop – that thought has always lingering in the back of my mind, and I'm sure Jim's, you tend to wake up everyday hoping today isn’t the day ... but today, it was!

I was already anxious going into this appointment but when 1pm rolled around my anxiety stepped it up a notch, then when 2pm rolled around the 'sick to my stomach' nervous feeling hit.  At 2:15 I was texting the ladies saying I was slowly being killed by torment with the waiting they were putting me thru.  Then 2:30 came.  I knew it was not good.  When the phone rang 2 hours after the appointment, I already had a feeling of what to expect and I was well aqauented with that sound of voice on the other end.

Long story short lining was only at 5mm, which shocked Dr. S and Linda considerably, especially being that her E2 blood levels were looking fantastic.  We were given a few different options on how we could move forward. 

Option 1)  We could have her start Viagra today and take it 4x/day thru Sunday and then check on Sunday to see if it helped enough to continue forward with a transfer on the 16th.  I was told by my nurse that it would be a very slim chance to bring the lining from 5mm to 8mm in only 3 days time – but it was an option we could try. 

Option 2)  They could give her a progesterone injection canceling this cycle and start her back on meds in about 2-ish weeks with hopes for a miracle transfer in September.  Given the circumstances, this was the best possible chance at success so we opted for it.
So before leaving the clinic she was given a dose of PIO which ultimately stops the cycle and ques her body to start fresh.  I heard from her later in the evening and she told me that it felt like her butt had been to the dentist for a Novocain shot.  Could help but bust out laughing, I guess having a numb butt is much better than the alternative.

Still waiting to have a better, and more thorough talk with our nurse but I know Dr. S will be starting her on Viagra with this go around, which will be oh-so-fun for her, haha, and he may possibly up her estrogen doses a bit too.  We are hoping, and praying, praying hard, that this works next month and that her lining steps up its game and the appointment is nothing but an unexpected shock.  I have to say either way this ends up, she is a total rock star and I couldn’t be more thankful for everything she has endured for us thus far.   I hate to think all those shots were just a practice run but glad it wasnt a practice run on my hind end ... well then again I guess I did my own practice run back in November when I mix up my meds a week-in-a-half before transfer and had to cancel the cycle.

After years, and years, and years of news of this nature - a canceled cycle, a failed cycle, another miscarriage - it doesn't necessarily get easier, it just gets less shocking, less world rattling.  I'm not going to lie, tears have been flowing tonight and I am finding myself asking "Why us?" "Why this journey?"  There are crack-whores out there getting knocked up and leaving babies in trash cans, why do they get that.  But like she said and what I keep trying to remind myself "God's got this.  I dont know what He's doing with it, but He's got this!"  Hoping September brings us better news than today, but if not then we pick up the pieces and move on from there.   We really couldn't be more thankful to this family for all they have done for us already and feel so blessed to have this awesome family in our lives!!

Here. We. Go .... its lining check day!

FETs – Frozen Embryo Transfer – here’s how it works:

Every cycle and every pt is different when it comes to medications and protocols.  What I have been experiencing (well, watching) with her this cycle and her medication is quite a bit different than what I have been used too.  Yes, its similar medications but with my cycles it seemed much more intense with more medications, higher dosages and the monthly to bi-monthly infusions.  I guess thats why you get when your body spits out embryos about as quickly as you make them.  It has been nice to see things can be much easier for her and a big relief on my end.  It was hard enough opening up her medication bag and handing over a calendar which had upto 6 pills, 2 suppositories and 2-3 injections a day.  Thinking she would be on similar regimen as me (why I thought that I don't know) I was thrilled, and quite relieved when I saw all she was going to be doing was those 6 pills, 2 suppositories and 2/3 injections.  Not sure the look on her face that day was relief, actually I know it wasn't, but knowing all the extra meds I had been on – it was so much better than what I was originally expecting for her.

3 weeks ago our ‘Baby Baker’ started her meds, the dexamethasone and Lupron then 2 weeks ago she started adding in the bi-weekly estrogen injections.  I never experienced s/e's from that medication, other than a leaky vagina.  The body loves estrogen ... well at least the womens' body.  Unfortunately for her that was not the case, poor thing cant sleep, has smell aversions, is nauseous and the list goes on.  The estrogen, other than giving her some awesome s/e's, is triggering her body to start producing the uterine lining, which will be critical for the transfer as it is the 'landing pad' for our embryos.  Growing the uterine lining can be a headache for some.  In my case, and many others, Viagra is required to help with blood flow to the uterus which also helps the body produce healthier and thicker lining.  Thankfully ‘Baby Baker’ didn’t have to worry about this and it was one less medication in her magic bag of goodies.  Viagra is done 4x/day for 3 weeks (or longer) and you find yourself having to be flat on your back for an hour-in-a-half every day (in 20 min intervals) and that alone is a pain - plus it makes for an even leakier vagina.  The boys might love 'em, but let me tell ya they are a pain in the neck at times.  

Anyway … today is D-Day for us.  Today is what the rest of this pregnancy (hopefully) will be going off of.   As long as her lining is measuring thick enough, we are go ... and it will be the start the next 8-9 months!!  

The uterine thickness heavily weighs on the success of an embryos transfer.  The minimum lining thickness should be (5 days before transfer) is 8mm, anything less than that and you would typically be recommended to cancel a cycle (if it’s a fresh cycle) or in a FET scenario be given another week or so in a 'watch-and-wait' game to see if the uterine lining thickens up.  Ideally doctors like to see you at, at least 9mm, but would prefer 10mm or thicker – and of course there is nothing wrong with being thicker.  Makes for a little comfier home. 

With all that being said our lining check appointment is at 1245 today – I say ‘our’ as in her lining check.  I very much wanted to go to this appointment, its very strange for me being on the other side of the curtain for all of this, but a 600 mile R/T for a 10 min appointment seemed a little crazy.  

I have been watching the clock since 5am and it has been going by ever so slow this morning.  Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock … and I could probably bet that Dr. S is running behind today and the appointment wont be until 145.  Why, because isn’t that how things always seem to work out when your in a rush or anxious for something to get done!!  

Hopefully will have some impress news to share shortly.  Praying she is wants to show off of her unreal skills of growing uterine lining!!  
So if you want to pray for us as well ... please do, pray, pray, pray!!

The uterus outlined in blue and the uterine lining (landing pad for the embryos) outlined in yellow.