2nd Lining: Make it or Break it Time!

I know everyone has been anxiously awaiting an update and I apologize for the lack of information over the past few weeks.  September was a crazy month of ups and downs for me (awful news, good news, bad news, followed by good news & homecoming) at times I feel lucky I made it out of September with my sanity.  It did sit down a few times and attempt to blog and update about everything going on but never could finish anything that made much sense.

Mid- September I received a very, very unexpected phone call from my mom informing me I had to drop what I was doing and get home.  Being that 'Miguel' was 2 weeks shy of coming home I assumed he decided to do a surprise homecoming and so I found myself racing home expecting to see him sitting on our porch swing  - instead I found my best friend waiting for me.  Typically it would not have been a big deal, she knows the door is always open for her invited or not, but there was something very different this time.  I came in and saw her oddly hanging out - I walked down the hall and peaked around the corner thinking I would see my husband sitting on the couch, but again I was wrong the couch was empty.  I had seen that face before, a face that does not need to speak a word you just know something is terribly wrong.  Of course the first thought comes to a military wife, especially in the mist of a deployment, is of course the worst case scenario ... he's dead ... or critical injuries, and before a word is even spoken you are already planning on fast you can get on a plane to Germany.  

Thankfully I was not needing to plan my flight to Germany but the news wasn't to much better.  It was news, very unexpected, shocking, and unimaginable new that my dad had past away!  I had seen him all of a few days before hand, for the most part he was healthy as a horse but the Lord decided it was his time and called him on in the middle of the night.  He passed away in his sleep and was found that morning lying peaceful in bed, I guess that is the way we all want to go - but still it was horrific news.  

That news came on Friday morning and shortly after that ... Sunday to be exact ... it was time for the “make it or break it” lining appointment with my “BB".  We were needing for a minimum lining of 8.5/9mm, anything less than that and the transfer would have to be called off again.  It was a crazy day; delayed flight time and a Jewish holiday for my doctor which made for non-negotiable hours at the clinic, they would be unable to stay open for us.  I stayed behind as “BB” did the traveling, which ended up working out due to the news of my daddy I received a few days prior.  The flight from SD to LV is about 45 mins, which typically would be nothing, but when long delays come about, it makes for a very stressful day of travel.  By the time she landed in LV (a few hours later than what the flight was scheduled for) she ended up having to make a mad dash from the terminal to the rental car place.  At this point I can only envision elbows being thrown in crazy 'Home Alone' airport scene, only to find the line a mile long at the car rental facility ... so off to find Mario Andrei in his bright yellow taxi!  She got there within minutes of the clinic closing.  At this point both her and I needed a few of those airplane shots ... or blood pressure pills.  I still think a great addition to the waiting office at SIRM is a mini-bar, something more than water, coffee and tea to take the edge off ... I know I am not the only one that needs a shot or two to calm me!  

It was a long wait from the time she walked into the office to the time an email was sent out from my nurse, really probably only a half-hour but it felt like a lot longer, but as soon as I heard that lovely little “DIIING” on my phone I popped open my email and there in big bold caps from my nurse was “SHE DID IT, LINING WAS 9mm!”  And a few minutes later my phone was ringing with my awesome nurse on the other line.  It was a shock to everyone in that clinic, including me (and probably even her) that her lining made the cut – I think everyone involved took this news with wide open mouths.  This was truly a miracle in an of itself!!
She was sent home with new meds, a new med calendar and the official transfer date was set for 9/15 ... this was really happening.  

And with that I leave you on a cliff hanger ... I will update early this week about the transfer!

I will trust in You, You've never failed before

Well a little bit of a different day then what we were expecting, but at this point after so many cycles not terribly surprising.  I guess today we found out when the other shoe was going to drop – that thought has always lingering in the back of my mind, and I'm sure Jim's, you tend to wake up everyday hoping today isn’t the day ... but today, it was!

I was already anxious going into this appointment but when 1pm rolled around my anxiety stepped it up a notch, then when 2pm rolled around the 'sick to my stomach' nervous feeling hit.  At 2:15 I was texting the ladies saying I was slowly being killed by torment with the waiting they were putting me thru.  Then 2:30 came.  I knew it was not good.  When the phone rang 2 hours after the appointment, I already had a feeling of what to expect and I was well aqauented with that sound of voice on the other end.

Long story short lining was only at 5mm, which shocked Dr. S and Linda considerably, especially being that her E2 blood levels were looking fantastic.  We were given a few different options on how we could move forward. 

Option 1)  We could have her start Viagra today and take it 4x/day thru Sunday and then check on Sunday to see if it helped enough to continue forward with a transfer on the 16th.  I was told by my nurse that it would be a very slim chance to bring the lining from 5mm to 8mm in only 3 days time – but it was an option we could try. 

Option 2)  They could give her a progesterone injection canceling this cycle and start her back on meds in about 2-ish weeks with hopes for a miracle transfer in September.  Given the circumstances, this was the best possible chance at success so we opted for it.
So before leaving the clinic she was given a dose of PIO which ultimately stops the cycle and ques her body to start fresh.  I heard from her later in the evening and she told me that it felt like her butt had been to the dentist for a Novocain shot.  Could help but bust out laughing, I guess having a numb butt is much better than the alternative.

Still waiting to have a better, and more thorough talk with our nurse but I know Dr. S will be starting her on Viagra with this go around, which will be oh-so-fun for her, haha, and he may possibly up her estrogen doses a bit too.  We are hoping, and praying, praying hard, that this works next month and that her lining steps up its game and the appointment is nothing but an unexpected shock.  I have to say either way this ends up, she is a total rock star and I couldn’t be more thankful for everything she has endured for us thus far.   I hate to think all those shots were just a practice run but glad it wasnt a practice run on my hind end ... well then again I guess I did my own practice run back in November when I mix up my meds a week-in-a-half before transfer and had to cancel the cycle.

After years, and years, and years of news of this nature - a canceled cycle, a failed cycle, another miscarriage - it doesn't necessarily get easier, it just gets less shocking, less world rattling.  I'm not going to lie, tears have been flowing tonight and I am finding myself asking "Why us?" "Why this journey?"  There are crack-whores out there getting knocked up and leaving babies in trash cans, why do they get that.  But like she said and what I keep trying to remind myself "God's got this.  I dont know what He's doing with it, but He's got this!"  Hoping September brings us better news than today, but if not then we pick up the pieces and move on from there.   We really couldn't be more thankful to this family for all they have done for us already and feel so blessed to have this awesome family in our lives!!

Here. We. Go .... its lining check day!

FETs – Frozen Embryo Transfer – here’s how it works:

Every cycle and every pt is different when it comes to medications and protocols.  What I have been experiencing (well, watching) with her this cycle and her medication is quite a bit different than what I have been used too.  Yes, its similar medications but with my cycles it seemed much more intense with more medications, higher dosages and the monthly to bi-monthly infusions.  I guess thats why you get when your body spits out embryos about as quickly as you make them.  It has been nice to see things can be much easier for her and a big relief on my end.  It was hard enough opening up her medication bag and handing over a calendar which had upto 6 pills, 2 suppositories and 2-3 injections a day.  Thinking she would be on similar regimen as me (why I thought that I don't know) I was thrilled, and quite relieved when I saw all she was going to be doing was those 6 pills, 2 suppositories and 2/3 injections.  Not sure the look on her face that day was relief, actually I know it wasn't, but knowing all the extra meds I had been on – it was so much better than what I was originally expecting for her.

3 weeks ago our ‘Baby Baker’ started her meds, the dexamethasone and Lupron then 2 weeks ago she started adding in the bi-weekly estrogen injections.  I never experienced s/e's from that medication, other than a leaky vagina.  The body loves estrogen ... well at least the womens' body.  Unfortunately for her that was not the case, poor thing cant sleep, has smell aversions, is nauseous and the list goes on.  The estrogen, other than giving her some awesome s/e's, is triggering her body to start producing the uterine lining, which will be critical for the transfer as it is the 'landing pad' for our embryos.  Growing the uterine lining can be a headache for some.  In my case, and many others, Viagra is required to help with blood flow to the uterus which also helps the body produce healthier and thicker lining.  Thankfully ‘Baby Baker’ didn’t have to worry about this and it was one less medication in her magic bag of goodies.  Viagra is done 4x/day for 3 weeks (or longer) and you find yourself having to be flat on your back for an hour-in-a-half every day (in 20 min intervals) and that alone is a pain - plus it makes for an even leakier vagina.  The boys might love 'em, but let me tell ya they are a pain in the neck at times.  

Anyway … today is D-Day for us.  Today is what the rest of this pregnancy (hopefully) will be going off of.   As long as her lining is measuring thick enough, we are go ... and it will be the start the next 8-9 months!!  

The uterine thickness heavily weighs on the success of an embryos transfer.  The minimum lining thickness should be (5 days before transfer) is 8mm, anything less than that and you would typically be recommended to cancel a cycle (if it’s a fresh cycle) or in a FET scenario be given another week or so in a 'watch-and-wait' game to see if the uterine lining thickens up.  Ideally doctors like to see you at, at least 9mm, but would prefer 10mm or thicker – and of course there is nothing wrong with being thicker.  Makes for a little comfier home. 

With all that being said our lining check appointment is at 1245 today – I say ‘our’ as in her lining check.  I very much wanted to go to this appointment, its very strange for me being on the other side of the curtain for all of this, but a 600 mile R/T for a 10 min appointment seemed a little crazy.  

I have been watching the clock since 5am and it has been going by ever so slow this morning.  Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock … and I could probably bet that Dr. S is running behind today and the appointment wont be until 145.  Why, because isn’t that how things always seem to work out when your in a rush or anxious for something to get done!!  

Hopefully will have some impress news to share shortly.  Praying she is wants to show off of her unreal skills of growing uterine lining!!  
So if you want to pray for us as well ... please do, pray, pray, pray!!

The uterus outlined in blue and the uterine lining (landing pad for the embryos) outlined in yellow.

  

Contracts Finalized. 3 weeks to go!!

Sorry for our recent radio silence, there has not been too much going on, so not much to share.  We have been sitting ducks the past few weeks trying to be patient and hoping time passes quickly – but it doesn’t seem to be going quickly enough for us.  Well I guess I shouldn’t really say 'sitting ducks', we have been busy with paperwork headaches and legal mumbo jumbo, but that stuff isn’t exciting to read about. 

In May, I learned that we would be unable to draft up the contract ourselves, due to the new laws of surrogacy in California and the major hearing, in front of a family law judge, we will have to do for the PBO (pre-birth order) but that’s whole other blog in itself so we will skip over all that for now – that court headache we will come back to after Xmas.

I spent most of May and June calling *lots* of different lawyers, and interviewing what felt like even more.  I reached some lawyers that were amazing, some that were clue-less and didn't even understand what GS was, even one I thought was perfect until digging further into her online and finding out she was involved with an agency that was scamming IPs (intending parents) and currently had an on-going FBI case open on them.  Oh and what fun reading about her that was!  I was finally was able to narrow the attorneys down to the 2, and felt very confidant in their knowledge and experience with surrogacy agreements, and their personality was perfectly fitting as well.  We shelled out another six-grand for a simple 16-page contract, half of which probably wasn’t necessary.  Its crazy how much legal stuff is involved in such a simple case of “we just want to help you have a baby.”  Jim and ( understand all the possible circumstances which can happen, but we have absolutely no concern or worry that "Baby Baker" will shoot up herion mid-pregnancy, light up a joint or cigarette, we know they will not up and disappear to another country, or running off with our babies.  There is no possible distress of there ever being a court case because they want to keep the babies or suing us for partial custody ... but my goodness what these contracts detail out.  I have been warned by everyone, about every possibility and how extra careful we need to be - however all that has much of a chance happening, as I have growing a 3rd pinky toe!  I swear pretty much everything is in the contract just shy of how she can cut her toes nails or how many times she can brush her hair at a particular time of day. I’ve heard typical GS agency contracts can be upwards in length of 50-some pages, so I do know this is much less then what we would have to deal with  - but WOW!!  

After all of the stress and praying of finding the perfect lawyers for us,  the contract is finally done and all parties have signed and notarized their part of it – what a relief to have that behind us! 

This past Monday, along with getting the contract finalized, I dropped of the last of my Sharp containers to the lab, and have to admit it feels very strange not doing a single pill, or injection.  The missing pharmacy assembly line has made me realize how much extra space we have in our kitchen - now I have to figure out what to fill it with .... Kitchen Aid would be perfect :)

It strange no longer waking up to medication alarms, planning my day around 1 of 6 injections or staring at medication calendars on the fridge door, it is now all in the hands of our amazing “Baby Baker”.  I have absolute full faith she would never miss a medication, but to have this totally out of my hands, is an awkward feeling.  Another lesson for me in the "learning to let go" arena.  She started meds up a week ago and things seem to be going fairly well ... or at least thats what she says.  She is currently on Lupron (with all its awesome s/e’s), which will down-regular her hormones so that it can all be controlled via injections, to properly time transfer.  She is now realizing the full spectrum of the lovely Lupron side effects, and unfortunately experiencing more of them than I ever did – that or I just got too used to it all.  Nothing like having morning sickness before your even pregnant!  She has also been on Dexamethasone (a steroid) which is pretty standard in any IVF.  Dex is to help the body keep from rejecting the embryos upon transfer, and typically continued through the 10th week of pregnancy.

Tomorrow the fun really starts to begin.  Before starting the E2V (estrogen injections), she  has to be seen for a baseline u/s to make sure the "rental space" is free from any kind of polyps or fibroids, or anything else that could interfere or make it difficult for our 'twinkies' to implant.  She had something done that was fairly simpler to this, just a few months ago, and her uterus looked "beautiful" so we are not too worried about tomorrows appointment.  All baseline u/s & labs are standard before starting any kind injection that is hormone stimulating - since estrogen and/or progesterone can make cysts, fibroids or polyps get larger.

This is so second nature to Jim and I - so its hard for me to remember that this is uncharted territory to most people, especially to her.  I get those surrogates that do this as a “job” getting paid for every minuet thing they do.  A fee for every injection, every procedure, every appointment, and every ¼ mile they drive.  I’ve seen GS ask if it was ‘OK’ if they charged more for their services after finding out their medical insurance would cover the pregnancy.  Charging more because they know now the IP (intending parents) have more to spend since they didn’t have to purchase private medical insurance. 

So watching all this, and knowing on a personal level, all of what “Baby Baker” has to endure for us – not asking for a single dime for their time, pain or inconvenience but doing it all out of nothing but a giving heart, is absolutely amazing to us.  Watching this family and their obedience, for what they feel the Lord is leading them to do, is inspiring.  

We still are in shock that this is all happening.  The phone call we got in the car, from Dr. Sher informing us a full-term pregnancy would be nearly impossible, was crushing.  We felt all hope slip through our fingers that afternoon, since we knew there would be no way in this life, we could afford a GS.  So now being 3 weeks out from a transfer with the most amazing, selfless couple, offering to give us the most precious gift, for absolutely nothing, is still overwhelming.  In every cycle, and every pregnancy we find ourselves holding our breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and going into this ... we have felt kind of the same way.  The Lord has opened the doors and lined everything up so perfectly for us, yet it still seems so unreal, a 'too good to be true' feeling and I still catch myself wondering when the bubble will pop.  I'm learning to let go of the past, and just trust the journey, although it is not easy and something I have to remind myself to do more than once, or twice, a day!

We are so grateful and so excited to see what this next month has in story for both our families ... now for time to just get movin'